Raw Earth Ink
spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow
Knocking
Don’t come knocking
I’m hardly worth your time
This heart is scarred, jaded
While I long for more
Something true and deep
Love overcoming
Overwhelming
Covering all
It’s simply just a lie I tell myself
What I want so bad
Could actually be mine
Just once
Just this once
Truth be told it’s probably best this way
I would give myself to you
Heart, body, and soul
Yet I know
Deep within
I’m mud
I’ll ruin everything good about you
I want you
I don’t deserve you
You’re the one for me
So I call out to you
Cry out to the heavens
I love you!
So you reach back
And I slap your hand away
Turn aside
Turn away
Don’t come knocking
I’m hardly worth your time
©️tara caribou – 2018
29 Comments on “Knocking”
Raw Earth Ink 
now this one i really relate to. it’s exactly how i feel all the time.
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You and me both.
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It’s a struggle to think all that, to believe that. I used to think that too.
But then again I am not a soothsayer.
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I go back and forth. I want to be enough, I want to be loved for who I am, but I know I have huge personality flaws that make me undesirable. So, I try to work on those. For me. For others. But I also don’t want to lose the core of who I am in the process either. Been there, done that. I want someone who can walk with me on that journey but also can’t fathom putting this tar on anyone either. Back and forth.
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I know the feeling. Then again, I live by the saying: “Everything is desirable to someone.” Someone who, if you are lucky to meet them, who won’t necessarily like those sides of you but will try to understand them and accept them as exactly that (parts of YOU, parts of the whole) makes all the difference in the world.
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That’s all theoretical for me, but that is how I envision it, yes. Someday? Eh. For me, I highly doubt it. But some days I have hope. I have this knack for falling in love with those who don’t return my love. I call myself a doomed romantic, lol.
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I kinda noticed that running theme. I say, hope is good.
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This is the kind of thinking that we don’t know what to do about it because we feel it too intensely all the time.
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For me, while always in the back of my mind, the intensity comes and goes. It’s something I work on, to not become too obsessed over but also, I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist either.
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Knock knock…
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uumm… Who’s there?
Hahahaha!!
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A little old lady…
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ALittleOldLadyWhoooo??
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Tara… I had no idea you could yodel…
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I’m a woman of few talents but that happens to be one of them. LOL (and now you know…)
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I’m sure you have loads of talents. You’re just being modest
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You mean yodeling isn’t enough, Joey??okay well, I also make really good Indian food, truth told. And my grilling skills are quite amazing as well.
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Ooh. Love Indian food. Second only the divine ambrosia of sushi. Enviable skilz to be sure
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Hehehe! I love cooking for other people. Especially something they don’t get often or well-made. It’s a delight.
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Now, the truth is out there. Worth and time are not good issues to value. Just my opinion. Love your offering. I will disagree. You are worth every bit of my time. Another great post.
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Thank you.
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I understand this. Self-defeating. It’s frightening once we let go of that self-destruct button we hold so dearly.
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Sometimes I set it down and pick it back up again. You’re right, though, it’s definitely self-defeating.
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i am waiting eagerly for the poem where you realize how amazing you are & how they should all be so lucky to love someone as precious as you ❤
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Gotta say, i second that. Great piece, but so sad in it’s brutal self-flagellation. You have such an ability to capture how everyone feels at some point. Just don’t put down the roots….reach for the blue skies 🙂
(But secretly, thank you for all these posts!)
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See! If I didn’t feel this way, who’d write it out? (I’m kidding, lots of people do…) I’m at this place where I feel this way, then I let it go, then I come back to it. Round and round. Maybe one day I’ll be able to let go for good.
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All a process i imagine, dropping veils and limitations.
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I’m waiting for that same poem from you, too, by the way. 💕
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