Raw Earth Ink
spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow
Morning After
you’re standing at the door fiddling with your keys and I hate myself because I know what you want to hear and I don’t have those words inside me
or maybe I do but they stay lodged in my throat
or maybe more likely I only have them for someone else
a someone else that it’s not my place to say it to
a someone else who cares for me but doesn’t want to hear those words and would never ask not even with his eyes or jingling keys
a someone else who deserves better than me and so I really can’t fault him one bit
please I scream behind my downcast eyes just walk out
walk out like I want you to
without looking back
without another text
without my scent in your beard
your sigh says it all just like your shoulders and your reluctant boots
you know I won’t lie to you and yet here you are silently asking me to
I hate myself when I refuse to say what you want to hear
and I hate myself more when my bare feet touch the worn wood floor and pad nearly silently over to you
I hate myself as I wrap my arms around you like a peace offering or token of pity
and I damn myself when I notice you smelling my hair like you’re committing me to memory
I guess I should let you have at least that one small thing but even that insignificant souvenir feels like a betrayal of myself and my heart
you pull away and lift my chin and of course I look into your eyes and I can see you searching for the words there
I’m careful here in case my love inadvertently leaks around the rims of my irises
I know the moment you realize you don’t see them there the words I refuse to say
you touch my cheek so gently and I look away because I hate myself in this self-created wedge of time of you and I
dying for love but refusing it all in the same breath
please tell me you never want to see me again
tell me I’m not worth the hassle
tell me I’m a bitch
tell me anything except
‘when can I see you again?’
five minutes after you left I was scrubbing my skin in the shower trying to delete all traces and memories of you but when my phone pinged with your name my finger hovered a moment too long before swiping delete unread
tara caribou | ©️2019
25 Comments on “Morning After”
Raw Earth Ink 
Sounds like he didn’t even get breakfast. Cold.
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Depends on your perspective on eating lmao
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Ha ha ha. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Say no more.
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I pondered about this but for a moment and then concluded, Oh- how polarizing to truth it can seem, when what we might really need, is not what we prefer to love, after all, what we think we love requires us to do nothing because its already out of touch and thereby we really love remaining to be…just the same. Or so I think… 😉
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That’s a sound perspective and one I can see I will ponder for a while.
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If I only I knew better than ponder, I’d be degusting the dripping nectar that evades my lips instead those slapping, slurping sounds that tease my body with those most vivid dreams…
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mmmmm – oh my. Somehow my mind went entirely elsewhere with this comment….
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I might be a bi-commentator…! 😉
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I bet she didn’t delete the NEXT message before reading it.
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That’s very possible! I like your comment, thank you ☺️
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Very powerful and raw emotions in this. Really enjoyed it! 🙂
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Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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You captured this extremely well. I’ve been on both sides of that wedge of time. I’m not sure which felt worse.
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Well now, that’s quite interesting to me. Fascinating, in fact.
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It was either that or I was usually climbing out the back window.
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oh wow. Uhhhhh…. okay then.
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It’s best when you get stuck like Winnie the Pooh.
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Then weeks later you finally slim down enough to get free, your face sunburned and the unspeakable having occurred to your backside….
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Exactly. I learned the hard way to stop, take a moment, and pull up your pants before attempting the window.
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Hard lessons indeed. I’m sure you’ve also learned to run a little faster too.
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Differently written than what you usually do. Makes me think, I think, but what does the penguin think about……?
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Wow I loved this Tara, I can relate perhaps too well! Omission will always be my favorite writing technique
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Thank you so very much. Your comment brought a smile to my face. Though…. well, I’m not sure I am happy that you can relate.
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Loved this.
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Thanks. I sort of did too, surprisingly.
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