In Denial

I love you
There’s no other way to say it
I miss you when you’re gone
You make me incredibly happy
Incredibly sad
I’m not always that good with my words
Most of the time
I keep the important ones locked inside
Sometimes I hold up the mask that says
We’re just friends and that’s okay
Yet when I’m alone in the dark, I cry
I still cherish every moment I get to have
Certain you’ll turn away any moment now
Unsurprised when you finally do
I open my mouth to say everything in my heart
Close it again having spoken nothing of depth
If I appear like a simple-minded woman
It’s just another mask I wear
Don’t peel back my layers
Eventually you’ll see
The sticky black stuff underneath
I smile when you look at me
Though inside I’m crying
Because your words sometimes hurt me
No one to blame really but myself
If I didn’t stay so close-mouthed
If I wasn’t such a realist
If I really could be what you say I could be
Damn it
I love you
Every day I want you and only you in my life
I want to open all my petals to you
I want you to plunder me
I want your strong hands and
Delicate heartbeats and thick voice in my ear
I want you to lick away all the tar
I want you to see me
The real me
Lift all the masks and keep looking
Keep holding on to me
I want to say, I’m not jealous
For you to laugh and say, yes you are
For me to shrug and you to kiss me anyway
Yeah so I love you
Just in case you didn’t already know it

tara caribou | ©2019