Raw Earth Ink
spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow
So Small for a Love So Large
When I held him in my arms, he was so small. So small. I cried oh god how I cried. I asked, is there anything we can do?
The doctor said, I’m sorry no, he’s just too small. I cried harder. Please, I’ll do anything, anything at all. Please. Please! Save him! Let him live, I’ll do anything.
But the doctor said, I’m so sorry.
And a nurse said, you need to hold your baby while you can. And they kept listening to his heart. And listening as my body convulsed and shivered.
As blood flowed and machines whirred and beeped. As people came and went. As I stared. As I cried. As I felt so very cold. As my body betrayed me. As the doctor reached his hand inside me. As I willed him to take a breath and cry with me. As his pink skin turned purple.
Until the last time the nurse listened to his heart and murmured, time 7:32pm. I would have done anything to save his life. Anything. Why…. a million whys. I will always love him.
tara caribou | ©2021
Ten years and my heart is heavy.
41 Comments on “So Small for a Love So Large”
Raw Earth Ink 
Great post 😁
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This is awesome.
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Thanks John.
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You are welcome.
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How poignant, my hearts tears join yours. I’m sure there are a millions answer and not one nor all of them combined will suffice such a celestial question from our very soul.
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Thank you Poet
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That is awesome and poignant and sad.
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Thank you Len. I appreciate you reading.
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Heart-breaking Tara.
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Yes but we continue on as we must.
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Everything went still when I read this, Tara. So sad and so real.
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That for a moment in time you were touched by these words speaks volumes to me and touches my own heart. Thank you for stilling your mind, if but for that moment.
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I felt I couldn’t hit the ‘Like’ button because I just felt so incredibly sad reading this! I was wondering whether you were describing a personal experience. In any case, I’m sure it’s similar to the personal experiences of many xxx
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Yes, Steven. This is real thoughts from when my son died about 8.5 years ago.
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So sorry, Tara xxx
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Thank you for the kind thoughts.
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Broke. Me. You stopped time and reminded me how the moments I have with others is so very priceless. Thank you for writing this.
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Thank you for reading, Mr F. I appreciate that and I am at peace that for a few moments you were touched by these words. Yes, I am reminded again even today to cherish the moments we have with those we love and care for.
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I’m sorry, Tara. It’s beautiful and sad and real.
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Sometimes the grief rises up and engulfs. But I will always remember. Thank you.
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❤ ❤ ❤
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Thanks Michael.
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The 7.32 pm part makes this tale even more heart wrenching. If it wasn’t already.
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Thanks Goldie. Her voice saying the time has always stuck in my mind.
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I don’t know how long I’ve been staring out the window, towards the west, your words on my screen… all is still it seems.
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I’m sorry Eric. This year has been harder for me. I reaching for anything. Grief. It’s always there.
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Tara, I’ve never felt you more dear friend.
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I’m absolutely speechless….a quiet moment as if my heart has just paused ❤️
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I’m sorry I keep posting this grief poetry… it’s just where I’m at right now.
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Don’t be sorry at all….poetry is therapeutic….let it flow….the highs & the lows….from your heart to paper….
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Thank you. I think I scheduled up two more and told myself to be done for a while.
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✨❤️
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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❤ ❤ ❤
I'm so sorry.
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Thank you.
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What a poignant piece, Tara. So sorry you had to go through that.
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Thanks Guy. While it was the hardest thing to live through, I can honestly say I am a better person now.
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Tara, there is much beauty in the remembering and honoring of love. ❤️ Your child will always be your child, that never changes in life or in death.
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That’s so true. May we love hard but hold loosely.
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Definitely hard to read without tearing up. But beautifully gut wrenching.
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Times of emotional outcry demand an artistic release. At least for me.
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