Grief Held

The loss was so profound
So deep
So all-encompassing that it
For a time
As if the tears would

“Will I ever stop crying?”
I asked the world in general
In poured the platitudes
The endearments
The empty gestures
And then she spoke up from the midst
“Never. You’ll never stop crying.”
How dare she say such a thing!
That’s not
What I wanted to hear
No one else said it…
And yet
Within those unwanted words rang
She walked a parallel road
To my own
She must speak Truth and Experience

If then I am to cry
For my remaining days
I must

I closed my eyes
Visualized my intense overwhelming
It was the shape of an egg
And glowed
I reached out
Plucked it from where it hovered
Before me
Before my eyes
I held it
Within the palms of my
Trembling hands
I embraced it
Cradled it
Stroked it gently
Pulled it to my chest
And there I placed it
Pushing it
Deep inside
Right next to my whimpering heart

In that moment
I made my grief
A part of me
From that breath on
No worse
Nor better
It does not define me
But it IS a part of me

And then
I was able to take that
Step forward
Weak and tired
Feet dragging
But it was still

And now
I keep going

tara caribou | ©2021

Ten years and my heart is heavy.

50 Comments on “Grief Held

  1. This is brilliant. You have a real talent. I’ve walked for many years with the same grief inside me. It led me down all sorts of paths. But, unlike you, I never cried. Maybe I should have. Happy Christmas from Ireland 🎄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow! This is such a brilliant stream of poetic thought. And, how powerful it is to accept one’s grief with the deep understanding that while it is a part of us, it does not define us. Just wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is quite accurate; grief does not define us, but it is a part of our definition. Perhaps it is just the ink on this of our pages with the darkest lettering: the medium through which our story was recorded but not our story at all…

    Anyway, great piece. I like the ambiguously optimistic nature.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Journal Entries – Raw Earth Ink

  5. I feel this one deeply.

    Yesterday, we had a heavy spring rain and it brought out the vibrant beauty of the greens around me. Tears, like a spring rain, wash away the grayness in our hearts and let us see the other shining, good things more clearly. But, it’s a cycle and we must embrace it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are absolutely right. For me, I am hit the hardest right here around his anniversary. But it’s been nine years and certainly the overwhelming and intense grief has gentled (for me…. we all process our loss differently).

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Though precious little time was mine before I had to part
    Joy, to spend it all with you, and to remain now in your heart
    -In honor of your son. I hope you are not offended that I took the liberty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Goldie. I believe in the power of visualization. For me, this was as real as eating a meal. It happened tangibly for me. And the healing was something I could immediately feel beginning. That acceptance.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, I really like this – the imagery and the concept. I think people like to think, oh you’ll get over it. But some things change you forever and that’s ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You have my respect, Tara. Despite what we may face in life, we continue to fight. Sometimes I think about how there’s no meaning to anything, and then I remember that I’m a Creative. It’s up to me to create my own meaning. We have faced many challenges, and we have many scars to show for that. But with a little contextualization, we can make those scars badges. As they should be. Not many people can handle life, it is difficult. But we are here, and I believe that counts for something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Couldn’t agree with you more. I know I always say that to you, but it’s always true. May we always keep creating. It’s the only way.

      Liked by 1 person

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