Raw Earth Ink
spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow
I Never Could
“You are more than the sum of your pasts…
you are your future as well”
His words whispered in my ear
One warm summer evening
And the tears that shone in his eyes
Told me all I needed to know:
I had already lost him
He saw more in me than I ever could
The reflection in his eyes
I never could get there
What I witnessed disgusted me
I hated myself
I still do
Where he saw a future possible
I saw nothing but my former life
Our hands never could meet in the middle
The now
And I knew what I had done
Sabotaging myself
And him
Yet I never could get myself turned around
Facing his direction
The pull of history had too firm a grasp
I had given it so much power
Breaking its grip
Meant breaking myself
While I know I need to tear myself free
Chip away the caked on cement of clay
From off my eyes
Still I keep it wrapped about me
A comfortable cloying suffocation
It holds me back
Keeps me from growing
And still
Still
The old voices dominate my mind
You’ll never be good enough
tara caribou | 2018-2021
26 Comments on “I Never Could”
Raw Earth Ink 
Not easy to overcome. Those words. Those thoughts.
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Maybe someday??
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I would put money on it, if I had any that is
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Perhaps.
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I like your doubt. It’s great material to use in blogs encouraging the reverse scenario
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I’m glad I could be of assistance.
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You are good enough – and more. Situations lie to us, because they seem so real, but they aren’t. You are beautiful and intelligent, and from what I can see0 a good heart. What else can I say? You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Let the nonsense pass. Peace . .
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Thank you. That’s so very nice of you to say.
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Voices whisper folly to the ears
Trickery and betrayal
Attempting to curb dreams and ambition
Drown these treacherous words
And know this as fact
You are more than good enough
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Oh Chris. These, your words, burn into my soul. But how do I believe the words of one or two over the years and years of indoctrination?
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Folly and deceit
Words of such betrayal
You hear them literally
‘You’re not good enough’
But in your tortured pain
You’ve missed for so long
Words that have followed
‘Because you’re worthy of more’
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Damn it Chris. My heart…
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Never lose sight of your dreams
There is much water to pass under the bridge upon which you stand
And many flies to be caught in the web the spider weaves between the railings
Admire your surroundings
For you are beauty amongst it
And do not be too hasty in leaping to the waters below
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That last line…. wow. Thank you! 💕
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Oh my!!!!
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Raw & powerful words. Beautifully expressed, Tara! ❤
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Thanks so much for reading, Tom.
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Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
Tara Caribou – Trapped
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Thank you! I love that: “trapped”. An apt description.
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You’re welcome.
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What can I say
I read your words
their spaces
lines between
I see a you
too strong
to retreat
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Thanks Eric. You’re the best.
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As are you, Tara.
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This is really quite a sad (yet beautifully constructed) poem. Getting over that feeling of not being good enough, and accepting the love of another, is really hard. In some ways viewing oneself in this way can be productive as it can drive us forward – but can also be a destructive force. Very well written Tara.
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You’re absolutely right. Let’s lean toward the drive forward!!
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Poignant stuff, Tara. I’m sure many of us can empathise with this. Have a good weekend.
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