I Never Could

“You are more than the sum of your pasts…
you are your future as well”

His words whispered in my ear
One warm summer evening
And the tears that shone in his eyes
Told me all I needed to know:
I had already lost him

He saw more in me than I ever could
The reflection in his eyes
I never could get there
What I witnessed disgusted me
I hated myself
I still do
Where he saw a future possible
I saw nothing but my former life
Our hands never could meet in the middle
The now

And I knew what I had done
Sabotaging myself
And him
Yet I never could get myself turned around
Facing his direction
The pull of history had too firm a grasp
I had given it so much power
Breaking its grip
Meant breaking myself

While I know I need to tear myself free
Chip away the caked on cement of clay
From off my eyes
Still I keep it wrapped about me
A comfortable cloying suffocation
It holds me back
Keeps me from growing

And still
The old voices dominate my mind
You’ll never be good enough

tara caribou | 2018-2021

26 Comments on “I Never Could

  1. You are good enough – and more. Situations lie to us, because they seem so real, but they aren’t. You are beautiful and intelligent, and from what I can see0 a good heart. What else can I say? You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Let the nonsense pass. Peace . .

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Voices whisper folly to the ears
    Trickery and betrayal
    Attempting to curb dreams and ambition
    Drown these treacherous words
    And know this as fact
    You are more than good enough

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is really quite a sad (yet beautifully constructed) poem. Getting over that feeling of not being good enough, and accepting the love of another, is really hard. In some ways viewing oneself in this way can be productive as it can drive us forward – but can also be a destructive force. Very well written Tara.

    Liked by 1 person

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