Raw Earth Ink
spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow
Constant Visions
There are times
when I imagine I
hear a knock on the door I
open it up and
there he stands.
The one who holds my heart.
Somehow
he’s reached the same decision I have
he can’t live without me he’s
flown across the miles
that separate us just to
hold me in his arms to
look me in the eyes and
tell me he loves me and
needs me and he’s here to
take me away from everything.
I gaze out my window I
know it couldn’t happen I’m
aware of our realities but
sometimes
living in a fantasy
helps me endure.
The sun sets and I’m still
staring out my window.
My heart continues to
call out to his.
My tears
advance down my cheeks.
A glistening moon
beams upon my face.
For a moment I
wonder, does he ever
dream the same thing?
That perhaps I would be
standing before him
on his own doorstep.
Snow and Hot Tubs
Okay, so it’s almost winter here in my part of Alaska. The snow is here, although barely enough to mention, but still. Today it’s actually pouring rain out my window, which I absolutely love. However, I am ready for full winter.
Winter, with its new set of clothing, crystals of white linking hands to cover the world, making it fresh and soft and so beautiful. Cleaning the air. Quieting my surroundings.
Life slows down. It’s time for slow, deep thoughts. Hot tea, wrapped in a soft blanket, sitting out on the porch or staring out the window. It’s actually getting to see the stars again (we don’t really get to see them in summer – too light). It’s watching the auroras dance before my eyes, seducing my imagination. It’s walks in the falling snow, wishing for someone to share it with, someone who loves walking in the snow, too.
It’s also outdoor hot-tubbing. There is nothing as wonderful as sitting in a hot tub while it’s snowing all around you. I mean, it’s glorious in the rain too, but the snow makes it a memorable journey of the senses.
It’s the hot water caressing your skin, swirling, skimming, gently massaging. Getting in all those places that are neglected so often. Then it’s the icy cold flakes falling on your naked skin, a prick of frozen bliss just before it melts. Perhaps leaving a goosebump behind in its wake.
What follows is what makes it the sensual joy you long for and what remains in your memory long after. Climbing out of your warm cocoon, you run out into the cold, drop down and roll in the snow. Melting it instantly with your hot skin, grabbing handfuls rubbing it briskly, your skin turns to ice so quickly, nipples hard, skin tightening, breath hitching, gasping. It’s almost orgasmic in its sinful overload. Rising again you run back and climb into the steaming water as quickly as possible. God, it’s heavenly, out of this world. Fire and ice in the form of the water element.
Best when done with another person. Especially if you’re both naked (as you should be in this situation) and you don’t mind massaging one another underwater.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this. I can’t be. Come on, who’s with me here? Show of hands??
tara caribou | ©2017
Unspoken Words
I did exactly what I set out not to do
I gave my heart to another
What started as a chance meeting
Turned into an easy conversation
Which became texts and more texts
Texts turned to phone calls
We had a meeting of minds
Kindred spirits
But when I looked back
I suddenly realized
I had fallen for you
Without knowing everything
Barely anything at all
I had your face memorized
When you messaged me
I knew how you’d write something out
Although maybe not the exact words
My heart was yours
Before I recognized the truth
Or maybe I did but I had denied it
This is crazy
It’s impossible
What have I done??
There’s no going back, is there?
Do I tell you what’s in my heart?
What would you say?
Would you run away?
Chuckle, “silly girl”
A hundred typed and deleted messages
Seen only by me and my phone
Oh, what should I do?
Part of me hopes
You won’t answer another text
Disappear from my life
Another part hopes
You’ll see through to the real me
Take me as I am
Will you see past the dark I hide behind?
Am I worth it to you?
Suddenly I don’t know
What have I done?!
Oh, Heart, what have you done?
Far Across The Waves
She gave her heart to another
Only to find
Her love was not enough for him
To move beyond
His comfort and safety
She scarce could take it back again
And so lives her days in sorrow
Her eyes always longing
To find his seeking hers
From far across the waves
Moonlight
As I stand here
gazing out
at the bright moon’s full face,
I wonder if,
across the miles,
you’re standing naked
at your own window
watching it too.
It’s All You
Wake up, open my eyes
Think of you
Stretch, roll over
Think of you
Cup of coffee
Think of you
Cook a meal
Think of you
Fold the laundry
Think of you
Take a nap
Think of you
Go outside
Think of you
On a drive
Think of you
At the beach
Think of you
Stare into space
Think of you
Brush my hair
Think of you
Take off my clothes
Think of you
Lay down at night
Think of you
See your pillow
Think of you
Touch myself
Think of you
Phone rings…
Please be you
©️tara caribou – 2017
Night Reflections
As I lay in his arms and he quietly speaks sweet things to me – “you’re beautiful” – “you make me happy” – “my Love” – I wonder if he’s ever said those words to another. If perhaps there is a different woman out there who has been on the receiving end of his all-encompassing love and passion. Am I really so special to him? Or does he feel this big with every one that he loves?
Why does he love me? I am ordinary. I’m not beautiful. I’m no smarter than others. I’m moody. I’m selfish. I get jealous. And yet, he does love me. He loves me deeply and truly. His energy, my energy. Together, we pass it back and forth, letting our combined energies build and crescendo. The lies and the darkness fall away until only truth remains. When we are together everything else fades away and I feel like a real person again.
It is during these moments, these precious hours, when the world actually seems at peace. When everything feels right, good and whole. At night. In his arms.
And then when those long nights and days arrive when I am alone and he’s not beside me, well, those are the times when the world seems a big, desolate, empty and scary place to be. Those are the hours when I lay there, depressed and sad, and darkness creeps in to overtake my mind.
I lay here remembering: his rough voice, his beautiful words, his soft skin, his virile scent, his rugged hands and strong arms, the cadence of his breathing. “I love you.” My breath hitches. “My Love.” Tears flow. “You make me so happy.” god, I miss him so much. “You’re beautiful.” Please… please don’t leave again.
Inside, I know it’s not right of me to ask him to stay. But when he’s gone I’m a husk. Barely surviving. He completes me. I have bound myself to him and he has bound his spirit to mine. Where he goes, my heart goes with him. The time we have together passes in a moment; the time apart drags on for years.
I don’t ask him aloud to stay. I can’t put that on him and make him feel guilty. I know he sees the pleading in my eyes. I know the days apart hurt him like they hurt me. I want to cling to him, beg him to stay. Please don’t leave me again! You’re my very breath. But I don’t. Each time he leaves, it gets harder for me to let him go. I wonder how long I can keep doing this.
tara caribou | ©2017
Dreams
Last night I dreamt you came home
I opened my eyes
The bed was empty
You weren’t there
Damn you, dreams
Building up false hope
Reality is where I need to live
—— —— ——
Dream state: you’re home
Reality: I’m alone
Dream state: you’re cuddled up beside me
Reality: it’s cold
Dream state: you’ll never go again
Reality…. sucks
—— —— ——
Maybe dreams aren’t so bad
Perhaps I can close my eyes
Just a little longer
Time will pass swiftly
You’ll be home again
And my arms won’t ache
For that’s where you’ll be once more
Raw Earth Ink 