Raw Earth Ink
Spit mixed with dirt – Muddy words flow
Shame
the shame drips like tar
slow and methodical
never fully releasing its grip
I am coated and covered
if I open my lips
it reveals itself within
my eyes are covered
my face downcast
in the dark I attempt to hide
turning off lights
refusing eye contact
hunching my shoulders
turning away
helpless, the shame covers me
hurting, the shame is familiar
lonely, the shame is a liar
unable to break away (so far)
the shame is me
How to break free of something so ingrained. This evening, I read how to be released from this overwhelming and debilitating shame. Practice compassion on oneself. Just reading that sentence makes me cry. I have no compassion for myself. Compassion and mercy for others? Yes. For myself? Absolutely not. How to have compassion for someone you despise?
I’m supposed to find the root of my inherent shame. I haven’t figured that out yet. I mean, I know I have worth to a few others. But I don’t see my worth to myself. Why should that even matter?? But it does somehow. My friend Candice told me once, I need to be my own friend and champion. I haven’t figured out that part either.
I’m scared.
I guess perhaps for right now, for today, I will say, “This is hard but I am still worthy of love.”
tara caribou | ©️2026
Exaltation No. 10 (Mercy)
stripped of my carefully crafted cloak
my mask lifted and tossed aside
I’m not prepared
in this moment
I am
e x p o s e d
this nakedness
my bare soul
what will you think
how will you respond
I am left (now) with
nothing to hide behind or
defend myself with
the exposure
chills me
from within
and now
with no escape
my shaking hands cover my head
I close my eyes and lift my face
be gentle, I pray
please, with mercy, be gentle
tara caribou | ©️2025
Thin Ice
you reach deep
wanting to feel good
wanting to feel
something
you bury yourself
in desire
in speculation and metaphysics
in coming times
in what once was
in a grief never formed
and because of this
you lasso others
without intending to
without realizing it
and they, too, become the reach
the reach for
for
for something more
and I, I hold on
confused and
unable to form words
willing thoughts from
my great void
and
what has become
of the idea
of us
tara caribou | ©️2025
Exaltation No. 9
oh my love when I, in my minds eye, think of you, my heart lifts and leaps, my lungs sigh, my tongue dances, my arms ache to hold you, my cheek longs to rest upon your chest, I remember the cadence and timbre of your voice
this desire doesn’t fade, instead it grows, having once known the grace and safety of you, my soul can hardly bear to be separated, for in you, every moment is a gift, a pleasure, and my lips part in anticipation, to be in your orbit anew, for wholeness to be mine again
my love, you are the one true great love of my life, I was created to love you, and now I am sustained and completed, in you I am found, there is no reason to search any longer, for you are the finisher of my endless wanderings, I am smitten, struck down to the core, and now with you, being rebuilt one moment at a time
you cause me to be who I am meant to be
tara caribou | ©️2025
Exaltation No. 8
your love encircles me
slow train rides of memory, fleeting
a picnic, perfect, ‘neath twisted branches
you smile as you turn back,
looking over your shoulder, quietly playful
feed me as I drive or do dishes
sharing what you love with me
we can love it together, you insist
a sunrise, two moonrises
countless morning commutes
drifting off to your arm across my chest and
the quiet breathing of dreams
suffering in the summer sun for fair rides
driving, driving, driving past fields and lakes and echoes of history
wanting this every day for the rest of my life:
you, me, us together
fingers entwined, hearts beating
moved to tears, joining
pleasure and delight building
fulfilled and healing little by little
each day a gift
my love embraces you
the bloom of something bigger
than either of us
tara caribou | ©️2025
The Reed in the Wind
bend me
bend me
bend me over
gently
don’t break me
soft pushes
mold me
give me a chance
to bend
to change
only be patient
bend me
don’t break me
(I fear I will shatter)
don’t break me
just yet
tara caribou | ©️ 2025 photo by me
The Gap
Are you there?
Please.
I need you.
My voice echoes back,
Unheard.
I’m cold and alone.
Dangerously abandoned.
Destitute.
Desperate for a touch.
Even my memories have fled.
Every breath, a fight.
My eyes, painfully bloated.
Tears, my only companion.
Compassion, denied.
Every motion, weighted.
My hands hang low.
Undone.
I want, hysterically,
To simply sleep.
For rest.
For companionship and comfort.
For you
To fold me in your arms.
Squeeze me into you.
Let me melt,
Sigh and release.
To love me.
Just. Love me.
I am convinced,
Your love could heal me.
I am weak.
Unable to brave the gap.
Knock-kneed and feeble.
I close my eyes,
And pray.
Do you hear me?
tara caribou | ©️2024-25 photo by me
A repost from last year which seems incredibly relevant tonight. Nothing changes, apparently.
The Fool
Oh fool! Fool!
What a foolish girl!
Follow your heart
And be fooled!
Tear out the roots!
Cast down the cost!
Believe that love
Can carry you through,
Oh what a fool!
It never changes,
Does it?
Comes the whisper
So painfully clear.
It never, ever changes.
You will
Never
Be good enough.
You will never
Be enough.
The same foolish thoughts
From the same foolish heart,
You say.
… .. .
And still.
This ache deepens.
Longing to be soothed,
For once,
In peace.
Foolish heart. Foolish hopes.
Foolish dreams.
Foolish girl.
tara caribou | ©️2025
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