Raw Earth Ink
Spit mixed with dirt – Muddy words flow
Shame
the shame drips like tar
slow and methodical
never fully releasing its grip
I am coated and covered
if I open my lips
it reveals itself within
my eyes are covered
my face downcast
in the dark I attempt to hide
turning off lights
refusing eye contact
hunching my shoulders
turning away
helpless, the shame covers me
hurting, the shame is familiar
lonely, the shame is a liar
unable to break away (so far)
the shame is me
How to break free of something so ingrained. This evening, I read how to be released from this overwhelming and debilitating shame. Practice compassion on oneself. Just reading that sentence makes me cry. I have no compassion for myself. Compassion and mercy for others? Yes. For myself? Absolutely not. How to have compassion for someone you despise?
I’m supposed to find the root of my inherent shame. I haven’t figured that out yet. I mean, I know I have worth to a few others. But I don’t see my worth to myself. Why should that even matter?? But it does somehow. My friend Candice told me once, I need to be my own friend and champion. I haven’t figured out that part either.
I’m scared.
I guess perhaps for right now, for today, I will say, “This is hard but I am still worthy of love.”
tara caribou | ©️2026
11 Comments on “Shame”
Leave a reply to Mark Ryan Cancel reply
Raw Earth Ink 
My heart hurts to read such pain, but that’s OK, for to care for a friend in pain is, for lack of some better word, a holy thing. I say that shame is a liar. You have poured your self and soul out on pages for all to see, and we see nothing to be ashamed of. Oh yes, that lying shame will counter with suggestions of secrets unspecified, adding to the lies. Know that you are loved, valued, respected, and many are grateful that you are in our world. May it be so that you find victory over that deceiver, shame.
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Thank you. Yes, that is my hope too. I will keep reminding myself it is indeed a liar.
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Just holler when you need a reminder. <3
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Sometimes, because of our, earlier experiences in life, we are misled to believe, that we don’t deserve love, and we do, but it’s really hard, to get out of the states of mind we’d been raised, that we weren’t, worthy enough, which cause us to not be able to love ourselves, and if we can’t even, love ourselves, then, how can we ask someone else, to…
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Indeed!
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I’m so sorry you’re struggling. This line-
“unable to break away (so far)” I felt hope in those last two words. ❤️
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When I first wrote it, “(so far)” wasn’t there. But when I re-read it, after I had cried for a while and thought about HOW to break free of shame, those two words whispered in the space between. I decided to add them as a type of prophecy and a hope of sorts.
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❤️
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Many years ago I read a small book by Camden Benares, “Zen Without Zen Masters,” full of anecdotes, stories, and exercises to help us find ourselves in the modern world. One of those exercises was to imagine you were going to go on a vacation from yourself for a while, but while you were gone you were going to lend your body and self to a friend, to borrow as their own in your absence, like housesitting. Not wanting to disappoint your friend during their visit, you spend time sprucing up the “place,” making it nice, attractive, comfortable, and cozy, the sort of place your friend would want to spend time in. You “dust the shelves” and “sweep the floors,” as it were, until it’s time for your friend to arrive.
The friend, of course, is yourself. Candice is right. Be kind to yourself, as you have been kind to so many others (including me), and as so many here are kind to you. As you are worthy of their compassion, and they of yours, so are you worthy of your own. This is a lesson many (most?) of us must learn, over and over again.
The poem is beautiful.
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Thank you for your thoughtful response. I will take your words inside and try to incorporate them into my daily thought life. It’s not so easy to begin the work of being nice to oneself after a lifetime of the opposite. But I am trying.
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‘I am coated and covered’ Love this line. Could be lovely, if it wasn’t the shadow of shame spilling over. Great piece Tara – i like the vulnerable self‑examination at the end too.
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