Available at Barnes & Noble. (I could not find an Amazon US link.)

I read this book as an ARC in PDF book form.

The Review:

The Colourblind Grief by Jude Gorini follows the life of Daniel, a queer man living with double personality syndrome in his twenties and thirties. He begins by describing his life as he attempts to cover over any difficult situations or chaos or trauma with clubbing, drinking, drugs, and sex. Not recognizing how beautiful his own soul truly is, he assumes everyone around him views him as worthless and not good enough. Any time a friend or lover reaches in and shows him care and real affection; he sabotages the relationship and dives headlong into another.

Daniel doesn’t realize that he has never learned what real love is, yet he occasionally searches within himself, trying to answer why he makes the choices he does. Couple that with several seemingly wonderful relationships in which the other man is using him and leaves him, and it’s the perfect storm of unmet needs to truly be understood and accepted, self-hatred, self-doubt, and mistrust towards others.

Eventually, Daniel comes to realize that he must stop drinking and doing drugs, when tragedy strikes his best friend. He becomes sober and really begins to explore his perceptions and his reactions to both negative and positive stimuli. In this self-exploration, he learns there is a separation between emotions and intellect and he must choose carefully which he follows.

This was a deeply moving story which pulled me in right from the start. My heart broke reading about his life and all that he experienced as well as what he brought on himself. But what really brought in close was I could feel his heart. I wanted the best, the good things. I wanted him to break free and realize his potential. I wanted him to know true love, both giving and receiving. Daniel clearly could not see what a beautiful soul he was and it’s evident, as he responds to a lover who says, upon learning of some of his past trauma, that Daniel is strong and amazing. “I never felt like a strong and amazing person. I perceive myself more as someone born to suffer. Life was treating me good at that moment, but my past was a giant chaos, full of traumas and bad choices.” I loved that introspection. Acknowledging the perception he had of himself, balanced with another’s view, as well as his own choices and unchosen trauma. This connected me to him deeper, knowing he was more than his circumstances or decisions. More than the drugs or drinking or bad parenting or mental illness.

My Overall Score:

This book gets 5/5 stars from me. Nice story length, engaging characters, great emotional balance, and writing that is easy to read without being sophomoric. Highly recommended to those who enjoy real stories of personal growth or biographical memoirs.

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be a good writer: read.
~tara caribou

A FINAL NOTE ON REVIEWS: it may seem that I am harsh on many writers for their editing, formatting, grammar, punctuation, etc. I do so unapologetically. First, because this is a review not a popularity contest. Second, because honest criticism should help us grow as artists.

The fact of the matter is, these things MATTER. A mathematician must use his tools and use them correctly to be an effective mathematician. A surgeon cannot simply say, “I know I can’t sew the wound closed but at least I could remove the appendix or whatever that thing is called.” Same with writers. We can’t claim to be writers yet refuse to use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. We can’t claim to be a photographer just because we know how to push the button on the camera (or phone). There’s an art to it.

So while I may appreciate the artist as a person and their words, I believe that it does us all a disservice to claim that lower quality editing is okay, whether in word, deed, or omission of criticism. Instead: believe in yourself! Believe in the power of your words! Put the effort into being the very best you can be. Ask for help. Grow and learn.